Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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