Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
