Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I bet he comes in French.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize