i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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