I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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