a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Did you just see the Batmobile???
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
Hungover, threw up in a cosmetic case in my car this morning. This is real life.
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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