I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
