No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
don't judge my taste in strippers
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Is there a sexuality term for 'only wants hatefucks'?
Randomize
