Ambien. No doubt about it.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
You blacked out at 9:30 and insisted on sleeping in the hallway after you chugged an entire pitcher of beer. I guess the Jell-O shots were stronger than we thought...
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
He asked if we were going to take advantage of his drunken state. When we said no he tired to show us what we were missing out on. It was so sad it almost made him cute.
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