The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
Seriously how many times do I have to sleep with him before he stops calling me dude
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
