you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
You just kept screaming "You are no House!!!" at the ER doc trying to stitch your head
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
i seriously just licked my laptop for traces of blow from the other night
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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