giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
