I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Randomize
