So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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