I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Randomize
