Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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