I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
You were trust falling into bushes
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
