My room smells like vodka and shame
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize