My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
drinking out of a sandbucket again
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Randomize
