it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Ketchup is God's man juice
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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