Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I decided to start over my porn collection by deleting the old stuff. That was a sad piece of a pie chart...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
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