Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
he passed out in the backyard and we used christmas lights as extension cords for the clippers to shave his head.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
