man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Randomize
