dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
I think I ordered pizza when I got home. The email said the delivery time was noon today. So if that shit shows up I am the most amazing drunk on the planet.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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