I just pynch a tree in the face
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I caught her walking around with a fake mustache, wearing a sombrero and holding an empty carton of milk. She's a hopeless cause.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
