The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
Randomize
