I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
I made you bacon and gave you a blow job. I'd say you had a pretty great day.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
