if your phone is working sorry i called you at 2am. if it is not then i never called your phone at 2am
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
i black out too much to be "responsible"
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
