I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Hypothetical question: Would it be wrong to tell the annoying children who don't listen to their parents that the motel is haunted?
Randomize
