i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
PS: I just woke up from my shower
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
