Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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