Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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