No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
When and where the fuck did we get a beach ball??
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
Randomize
