I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
