so explain again why im purple
no
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize