You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
