I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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