not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
they need to just BURY HIM!
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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