1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
Randomize
