Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Randomize