Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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