Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
