How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
