How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
