oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
