Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Randomize
