I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
the best sex is "duke just lost" sex.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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