The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Randomize
