Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I'm not sure how long my penis is exactly, but I will tell you it resembles a bendy straw
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
