woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
It's official drugs can't kill me
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just heard a 350 lb guy with a stutter describe getting blood in his eye as he was shanking his cellmate and, more generally, how to survive as a white guy in jail.\n\nYou should really consider going to some AA meetings
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
