There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
The angle I tried to shoot a load on her face was unfortunate. I accidentally came on the David Bowie tribute she had out. Oddly, that made it more erotic.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
