How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I hate the cold months. Everybody starts hibernating and I start talking to guys I would never normally talk to. You have a drug habit and no license? Perfect candidate for a boyfriend...
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
He wants to play improv games now whenever he gets drunk. Sometimes I just do not have the energy for that kind of a thing
Randomize
