I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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