Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(619): View more from California

I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.

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(905): View more from Toronto

when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college

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(417): View more from Missouri

My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.

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(517): View more from Michigan

I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...

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(578): View more from

You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"

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(61): View more from Australia

Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.

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(716): View more from New York

please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.

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(678): View more from Georgia

You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter

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