I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
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