I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
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