the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I cant believe she fell for the mistletoe belt AGAIN.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
