Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Thats stupid. Your future is a life of less pay for the same work. Free drinks is how capitalism reimburses women for its inequality. & youre not even taking it!
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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