Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
Randomize
