3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
If you could watch a water balloon run... That's what it's like watching her run.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Randomize
