Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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