i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
i don't really know how much tequila is too much
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
