Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Randomize