your parents love me but you hate me
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
