32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize
