Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
What can I expect? While all of my friends are getting married, all of his friends are tripping on robitussin
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
