Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
Randomize
