My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I wish life had little blips of pornography
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Randomize
