I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
