where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
