i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Is Oprah even human
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
