isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
