he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I accidentally burped into my bong.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Randomize
