The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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