Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
I'm at about main and main street
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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