we dont do blackfin have a good night :)
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
Drunk within and hour of coming home from work, merry christmas bitch
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
