brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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