i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
She called a 10 year old handsome and we gave her a look that was equal parts confused and “what the hell is wrong with you”
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