Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
did you just send me my own nude
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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