Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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