I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize