I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
Randomize
