You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
