i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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