Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
