I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
