okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
