so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Randomize
