Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Randomize
