So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
Although I'm glad you didn't let my climb in the sink, I really wish you would have let me pretend to be a duck in the shower for a little longer
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize