The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
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