I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Randomize
