Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Walk of Shame today included voting.
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
