I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Sexting just isn't as much fun once you learn how bad he is in bed...
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
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