i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
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