I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I think I saw a glimmer of recognition, but she must not have been able to make me out through all of her whorishness.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Randomize
