People with herpes should wear stickers.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
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