these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize