so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Randomize
