yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
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