Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
i think you might have coined the term "slightly awkward pyromania"
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
