Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
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