Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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