And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
