dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
what day is it and did you see me today?
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
just so you're aware of it in the morning: you tried to slide down the railing on a snuggie. twice.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My only regret this past weekend is abusing only 3 substances when I could have done so much more.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
Randomize