I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
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