So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize