apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
