I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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