Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
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