i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Randomize
