My friends, they love my intelligence
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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