all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
