she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
