and my herpes radar will keep us safe
where does the pee come out of this thing
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
