I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
