I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
