look no pants
one two three fourrrrnication!
She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
I'm going to skip that pointless convo with Mark, stick with the "we're talking" status, and bone barely legal, borderline gay, preppy guys on the DL.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
Randomize
