One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
where does the pee come out of this thing
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
