Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I think your dad took our porno
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
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