I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
We need to feng shui this bitch.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
