You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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