i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
the arrest was probably divine intervention, cause i think we were heading to an ill-advised threesome.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
