Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
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