If i come over, it means nothing
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
It was about the point the universe collapsed in on itself and I was a singularity of insanity that I realized I was tripping balls.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Randomize
