Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
two words: eviction party
she told me i tasted like america
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize