You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
Randomize