we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
