I wanna bring you to show and tell
i hope you realize when i said "grib" earlier i was referring to the gridded binary, a mathematically concise data format commonly used in meteorology to store historical weather forecast data. also meant in referential conjunction to my probability math class that i am failing at roughly 215pm tomorrow afternoon.
she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
