She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
