so explain again why im purple
no
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
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