turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
Just when I thought this night couldn't get any worse, my dad sang and dedicated Sexual Healing to me at kareoke night.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
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