Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Can't find our DD
He's backstage giving the strippers foot massages.They kidnapped him the moment he walked thru the door.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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